How to write a eulogy

Being asked to give a eulogy is a sign of how much you meant to the person who has died and to their family. It can also feel like a lot to take on when you are grieving, often with only a week or two before the funeral. The good news is that nobody at the service is expecting a polished performance. They want to hear about the person they have lost, told by someone who knew them well.

This page covers the whole process. If you want more detail on any part, the other guides in this section go further, and there are full eulogy examples you can read to get a feel for how they sound.

What a eulogy is for

A eulogy is a short speech at a funeral or memorial about the life of the person who has died. It usually lasts between three and ten minutes. Its job is to remind everyone in the room who that person was: the life they lived, what they were like and what they meant to the people around them. You can read more about where it fits in the service in what is a eulogy?

It doesn't need to cover everything. The people listening already knew and loved the person, and each of them has their own memories. What they want from you is a picture they recognise.

Before you start writing

Speak to the family and to the celebrant, minister or funeral director before you put much down on paper. Ask how long you have to speak, whether anyone else is giving a tribute, and whether there is anything the family would prefer you to leave out. If two people are speaking, agree who will cover what. A common split is for one person to tell the story of the life and another to speak more personally.

Then start collecting material. Write down anything that comes to mind, in any order:

• Where and when they were born, where they grew up and the main places they lived
• Work, the family they made, and the people who were important to them
• The things everyone who knew them would recognise, such as sayings, habits and how they greeted you at the door
• Hobbies, teams, music, places they loved going back to
• Small stories: a phone call, a holiday, the way they did a particular job

Ask other people too. A quick message to a sibling, an old friend or a work colleague often brings back a story you had forgotten or never knew. Notes and half-sentences are fine at this stage, and you can sort them out later.

A simple structure

Most eulogies follow the same basic shape, and it works because it is easy for people to follow while they are upset. You don't need to be clever with it.

1. Introduce yourself. Say your name and how you knew them, for example "I'm Sarah, Jean's eldest daughter."
2. Tell the story of their life in brief. Where they came from, work, marriage, children, the main chapters. A few sentences for each is enough.
3. Say what they were like. Pick two or three qualities and give a small example of each. This is the heart of the eulogy.
4. Tell a story or two. Everyday moments work well. They bring the person back into the room.
5. Mention the people they loved. Family, close friends, and anyone who cared for them at the end.
6. Say goodbye. End with something simple and personal, addressed to them if that feels right.

There is a longer walk-through in how to write a eulogy step by step, and a fill-in-the-gaps version in the eulogy template.

Writing it

Write the way you talk. A eulogy is heard rather than read, so shorter sentences and ordinary words are easier to follow than anything formal. If a sentence feels awkward to say out loud, change it.

Small, specific details help people picture the person. Saying your grandad was generous is fine, but saying he kept a tin of Quality Street in the car for any child who got in tells people the same thing in a way they will remember. Use the names of people, places and things.

Be honest. You don't have to pretend someone was perfect. People are often glad to hear a eulogy acknowledge that someone was stubborn or impatient, as long as it is said with affection. If there were difficult parts of their life, you can leave them out or mention them gently. You never need to explain how they died.

How long it should be

At a steady speaking pace, most people say about 130 words a minute. A five-minute eulogy is roughly 650 words, which is about a page and a half of typed text. Crematorium services are often limited to 30 or 40 minutes in total, so check your time with the celebrant. How long should a eulogy be? has a table of timings.

Reading it at the funeral

Read it aloud at home at least a few times before the day. You will find the sentences that trip you up, and each time you read it the emotional parts get a little easier to say. Time yourself on one of the run-throughs.

Print it in a large font, around 16 to 18 point, with a line space between paragraphs. Some people prefer cue cards, but for a eulogy a full script is usually safer, because it is hard to remember what comes next when you are upset.

On the day, take a bottle of water and a tissue up with you. Speak more slowly than feels natural. If your voice goes, stop, breathe and wait. Give a copy to someone you trust in case they need to take over. Nobody will think any less of you.

More eulogy guides