The maid of honour speech has become a regular part of UK weddings over the last few years. It's a chance for the bride's closest friend or sister to talk about her in a way nobody else can. It is also a chance to balance the best man, so the bride's side of the story gets told too.
If you have been asked to speak, this page covers when your speech usually comes, how to choose your stories and how to finish with a toast.
When the maid of honour speaks
Speeches take place at the wedding breakfast, before or after the meal. The traditional order is the father of the bride, then the groom, then the best man. The maid of honour is usually added just before or just after the best man. Some couples ask her to speak straight after the groom, so the two sides of the wedding party are split up. The wedding speech order page covers the options in more detail.
If you are speaking alongside the best man, get in touch with him early. It's worth knowing roughly what he plans to say, so the two of you don't both tell the story about the holiday in Crete.
What to include
- Who you are and how you know the bride
- A quick thank-you to the couple for asking you, and to whoever hosted the day
- Two or three stories that show what the bride is like
- What you think of her partner, and when you first met them
- What the two of them are like together
- A toast to the couple
Choosing your stories
Start by writing down every memory you have of the bride. Then pick the ones that show something true about her: that she is loyal, or that she is always the one who organises the birthday meal. One funny story and one more heartfelt one often work well together.
Think about who will be listening. Her grandparents and her new in-laws will be in the room. Keep the stories kind, and leave out exes and anything she would be embarrassed for her nan to hear.
Avoiding in-jokes
The biggest trap in a maid of honour speech is the in-joke. A story that makes your group of friends cry with laughter can mean nothing to the other hundred guests. If a story needs a lot of explaining, or the punchline is a nickname only six people know, leave it out or tell it so anyone can follow it. A good test is to read the story to someone who doesn't know the bride and see whether it still makes sense.
A maid of honour speech example
Nadia has been best friends with Beth since their first day at secondary school in Plymouth. Beth is a marine biologist, and she is marrying Connor, an engineer at the Devonport naval base. Beth's parents are Joanne and Carl. Nadia is speaking after the best man.
Hi, everyone. For those of you I haven't met yet, I'm Nadia, and I've been Beth's best friend since the first day of Year 7, when we were put next to each other in French because both our surnames start with H. We've sat next to each other ever since, including at this table, where she's already pinched my bread roll.
Thank you to Joanne and Carl for having us all here today, and to Beth and Connor for letting me stand up here with a microphone. I'm not sure that was wise.
At school Beth was the sensible one. On our Year 9 trip to Dartmoor she was in charge of the map, and she got our group back to the minibus forty minutes before anyone else. The teachers were so surprised they checked we hadn't got a lift. I was in charge of the snacks, and I'd eaten them all by eleven o'clock, so we know which of us was more useful.
When we went off to different universities, she wrote me a proper letter every month, on paper with a stamp, because she said texts didn't count. I've kept every one of them in a box, which I've just realised is a lot like the postcards I'm about to mention, so maybe that's where Connor got the idea.
She's also the most patient person I know. When we were twenty-five I admitted I'd never properly learned to swim. Beth didn't laugh. She took me to Tinside Lido every Sunday morning that summer, in water so cold it made my teeth ache, and stood next to me in the shallow end until I could do a whole length. I can now swim, badly, and I owe that entirely to her.
That's what Beth is like. If you're ill, she turns up with soup. If you've had a rotten week, she'll send you a photo of an octopus from work, because she has hundreds of them on her phone and she thinks they cheer everybody up. She never makes a big deal of any of it.
Then Connor came along. They met at a pub quiz on the Barbican four years ago. Connor's team beat ours by one point, and Beth went over to argue about the answer to a question on jellyfish. She was right, by the way. Connor admitted it straight away and bought her a drink, and they talked until the pub closed.
Connor, you're an engineer, so you'll understand that Beth likes things done properly. You've managed it. You make her laugh, and you put up with the octopus photos. When you were away at sea for five months last year, you sent her a postcard from every port. She's kept all of them in a shoebox under the bed. I know that because she has shown them to me, twice. Thank you for making my best friend so happy.
Beth, thank you for twenty years of being the best friend anyone could ask for. I'm so happy for you both.
So would everyone please stand and raise your glasses. To Beth and Connor.
Why it works: every story makes sense to someone who has never met Beth, so the whole room can join in. Nadia teases herself more than the bride, and she gives Connor a fair share of the speech.
The toast
Finish by asking everyone to stand and raise a glass to the couple, using both their names. If the best man is speaking straight after you and will toast the couple too, you could toast the bride's family or absent friends instead. Wedding toasts has more wording to choose from.
A note for a man of honour
Plenty of brides choose their brother or a close male friend to stand with them. If that's you, everything on this page still applies. Some men of honour like to say a word early on about how they came to have the job, which usually gets a laugh and puts the room at ease. You may be introduced as the man of honour or the best man for the bride, so check with the couple which they would prefer.
If there are several bridesmaids speaking, or you would like to keep it very short, the bridesmaid speech guide has ideas. The best man speech guide is also useful reading, because the two speeches follow a similar shape.
Related guides
Common questions
Does the maid of honour have to give a speech?
No. It's a newer tradition in the UK and still optional. Many brides now ask their maid of honour to speak, often alongside the best man, but if you haven't been asked, check with the bride before you start writing.
When does the maid of honour speak?
Usually just before or just after the best man, towards the end of the speeches. Some couples put her straight after the groom. Ask the couple or the toastmaster where you are in the running order.
How long should a maid of honour speech be?
Three to five minutes, which is roughly 390 to 650 words. If the best man is also speaking, aim for the shorter end so the speeches don't run on too long.
Should the maid of honour and best man speak together?
They can. A joint speech, with the two of you taking turns, works well if you know each other and are happy to rehearse. It also means only one lot of stories and one toast. If you would rather speak separately, compare notes so you don't tell the same story.
Can a man be the maid of honour?
Yes. A man in that role is usually called the man of honour, and the speech is the same. He introduces himself, tells stories about the bride and toasts the couple.