Knowing the order of the speeches helps every speaker. It tells you who will already have thanked whom and who you need to hand over to at the end. It also stops two people telling the same story. This page sets out the traditional order, the common variations and how to plan the running order for your own day.
For timings, see how long wedding speeches should be, and for the exact wording of each toast, see wedding toasts.
The traditional UK order
At a traditional British wedding there are three speeches, given at the wedding breakfast.
- The father of the bride. He acts as host. He welcomes the guests and the groom's family, talks about his daughter, welcomes her new husband into the family and toasts the couple. More in the father of the bride guide.
- The groom. He replies on behalf of himself and his wife. He thanks the father of the bride for his speech, thanks both sets of parents and the guests, says something about his new spouse, thanks the best man and the bridesmaids, and toasts the bridesmaids. More in the groom speech guide.
- The best man. He replies on behalf of the bridesmaids, tells stories about the groom, may read out cards or messages from people who couldn't come, and ends with a toast to the couple. More in the best man speech guide.
This order comes from a time when the bride's parents hosted and paid for the wedding, so her father opened the speeches as host. Fewer families split the cost that way now, but the order has stuck because it works well. The host opens the speeches, and the best man closes them on a lighter note.
The order at a glance
This table includes the extra speakers who often appear at modern weddings. Leave out anyone who isn't speaking at yours. Where there is no toastmaster, the "introduced by" column shows who usually hands over.
| Order | Speaker | Introduced by | Ends with a toast to |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Father of the bride (or mother, step-dad or other relative) | The toastmaster or MC, or no one | The couple |
| 2 | Bride (optional) | Her father, or the toastmaster | Her new spouse, or the guests |
| 3 | Groom, or the couple together | The previous speaker, or the toastmaster | The bridesmaids, or the whole wedding party |
| 4 | Maid of honour (optional) | The groom or the couple | The couple |
| 5 | Best man | The groom, the maid of honour or the toastmaster | The couple |
A mother of the bride, a father of the groom or a mother of the groom usually slots in near the start, straight after the father of the bride, so the family speeches sit together.
Modern variations
The bride speaks
It is now common for the bride to give a speech. She might speak after her father, which lets her reply to him, or straight before or after her spouse. Some couples swap the groom's speech for the bride's. The bride speech guide has ideas and an example.
The maid of honour speaks
A maid of honour speech is now a regular part of many UK weddings. The simplest arrangement puts her just before the best man. If the best man is the bride's brother or the couple's shared friend, some couples put the maid of honour last so the day's final toast comes from the bride's side.
The mother of the bride speaks
A mother of the bride speech can replace the father's speech, sit alongside it or be shared with him as one speech. If both parents speak, the mother usually goes first or second and keeps hers a little shorter, and they agree who gives the welcome and who gives the toast.
A joint speech from the couple
Many couples now give one speech together in place of separate speeches from the groom and the bride. It sits in the groom's usual place, second in the order. The couple take turns with the thank-yous and the stories, and one of them gives the toast at the end, usually to the wedding party or to the guests.
Two brides or two grooms
Without a bride's side and a groom's side, the traditional order doesn't quite fit, so couples tend to make their own. A parent from each family often speaks first, then the couple, then a best friend from each side. Agree the order early and make sure each family has a fair share.
Speeches before the meal or between courses
The order stays the same wherever the speeches go. If they come before the meal, keep them tight, because people will be hungry. If they are spread between courses, the usual pattern is the father of the bride after the starter, the couple after the main and the best man before dessert. The wedding speeches guide covers the pros and cons of each.
Example running orders
Here are three running orders for three quite different weddings.
1. A traditional wedding in Kent
Emma and Rhys married at a church near Maidstone, with the wedding breakfast in a barn afterwards. They had a toastmaster and the speeches after dessert.
- Toastmaster: "Ladies and gentlemen, pray silence for the father of the bride, Mr Alan Fisher."
- Alan, the father of the bride, six minutes, toast to Emma and Rhys
- Rhys, the groom, six minutes, toast to the bridesmaids
- Dan, the best man, eight minutes, toast to the couple
- Cutting the cake
Total speaking time: about 20 minutes, with toasts and handovers taking it to 25.
2. Two brides in Bath, speeches before the meal
Jo and Tamsin married at a hotel in Bath. They wanted the speeches out of the way before the food so everyone could relax, and a friend acted as MC.
- Jo's mum, Karen, four minutes, welcome and toast to the couple
- Tamsin's dad, Geraint, four minutes, welcome to Jo's family
- Jo and Tamsin together, six minutes, thank-yous and a toast to the guests
- Tamsin's best friend, Harriet, four minutes, toast to the couple
- Starters served
Total speaking time: about 18 minutes, which kept the kitchen on schedule.
3. Speeches between courses in Newcastle
Kayleigh and Dean married at a venue in Newcastle city centre, and Kayleigh wanted to speak. They spread the speeches through the meal so nobody sat through three courses feeling nervous.
- After the starter: Kayleigh's dad, Mick, five minutes, toast to the couple
- After the main course: Kayleigh, three minutes, then Dean, five minutes, toast to the wedding party
- Before dessert: Chantelle, the maid of honour, four minutes, then Lewis, the best man, seven minutes, toast to the couple
Total speaking time: about 24 minutes, split into three shorter sittings.
Planning your own order
- Write the order down, with each speaker's name and roughly how long they will speak.
- Share it with every speaker, the toastmaster or MC, and the venue.
- Agree who is thanking whom, so nobody is left out and nobody is thanked five times.
- Keep the total to about 20 to 30 minutes. With more speakers, each speech needs to be shorter.
- Make sure each speaker knows who comes before them, and whether they need to introduce the next person.
Common questions
What is the traditional order of wedding speeches in the UK?
The father of the bride speaks first, then the groom, then the best man. Each one ends with a toast: the father of the bride toasts the couple, the groom toasts the bridesmaids and the best man toasts the couple again.
Where does the maid of honour speech go?
Usually just before or just after the best man. Going before him works well if his speech is the funny one, as it lets the speeches end on a laugh. Going after him works if she is closing with the toast to the couple.
When should the bride give her speech?
Most often straight after the father of the bride, or together with her new spouse as a joint speech. Some brides speak last of all. Pick whatever feels natural, and let the toastmaster know.
What order do the speeches go in at a same-sex wedding?
There is no set order, so couples build their own. A common pattern is a parent from each family, then the couple, then a best friend from each side. Keep the total to about 20 to 30 minutes.