Wedding speeches: the complete guide

Speeches are one of the parts of a wedding people remember and talk about afterwards. They are also the part most speakers worry about for months. The good news is that a wedding audience is about the kindest one you will ever face. Everyone in the room wants you to do well.

This page gives you the overview. There are separate guides on the order of the speeches, how long each one should be and the toasts and what to say, and a guide for each role linked at the bottom.

Who gives a speech at a UK wedding

The traditional line-up has three speakers:

• The father of the bride, who welcomes the guests, talks about his daughter and toasts the couple. The father of the bride guide covers this in full.
• The groom, who thanks everyone, talks about his new spouse and traditionally toasts the bridesmaids. See the groom speech guide.
• The best man, who tells stories about the groom and toasts the couple. See the best man speech guide.

That pattern still holds at a lot of weddings, but it has loosened a great deal. Brides now often give a speech of their own, either straight after the groom or in place of him. The maid of honour often speaks alongside the best man, and a mother of the bride or father of the groom may say a few words too. At a wedding with two brides or two grooms, the couple usually decide who does what from scratch, which often ends up being a speech from each side of the family and one from each partner's best friend.

Some couples give one speech together, which means neither partner has to carry the whole thing. There is a short example further down this page.

The order of the speeches

The usual UK order is the father of the bride first, then the groom (or the couple), then the best man. Any extra speakers fit around that. The maid of honour usually goes just before or just after the best man, and the bride usually follows her father or speaks alongside the groom. The best man tends to go last because his speech is usually the funniest.

The wedding speech order guide has a full table of who speaks when, who introduces each person and what they toast, with example running orders for three different weddings.

When the speeches happen

Traditionally, the speeches come at the end of the wedding breakfast, after dessert and before the cake is cut. Staff pour a glass of fizz for everyone while the tables are cleared, and the toasts are made with that.

Many couples now have the speeches before the meal. The speakers can then enjoy their food, and the room is usually livelier because people haven't been sitting for two hours. Guests may be hungry, though, so keep the speeches tight. A third option is to spread them between the courses, with one speech after the starter, one after the main and one before dessert. Talk to the venue early, because the kitchen needs to plan around it.

How long the speeches should be

For the speeches as a whole, aim for 20 to 30 minutes. Most individual speeches work well at five to seven minutes, which is about 650 to 900 words at a steady 130 words a minute. The best man can go a little longer. Extra speakers such as the maid of honour or a mother usually keep to three to five minutes. There is a full table in how long should wedding speeches be?

How to write any wedding speech

Every wedding speech, whoever gives it, is built from the same few parts.

1. Say who you are. Half the room may not know you. "For those who don't know me, I'm Nick, and I've known Anna since we were eleven."
2. Thank the right people. What you say here depends on your role. The first speaker welcomes everyone, the couple thank almost everyone, and later speakers usually thank the couple and the previous speaker.
3. Tell a story or two. This is the heart of the speech. Pick moments that show what the person is like, with real names and places.
4. Say something about the couple. What they are like together and why they suit each other.
5. Finish with a toast. Ask everyone to stand, raise their glasses and drink to whoever you are toasting.

Start with notes

Before writing any sentences, write down everything you can remember, such as holidays, jobs, pets, the car they had at nineteen or what they always order at the chippy. Ask family and friends for their memories too. You will end up with far more than you need, and that makes it easy to pick the two or three best stories.

Choose stories that show something

A good wedding story is short and specific, and it tells the room something about the person. Saying your friend is loyal is fine. Saying she once drove from Newcastle to Carlisle at midnight because you'd locked yourself out shows it. Leave out exes, anything about money, stories involving too much drink and in-jokes that need explaining.

Write the way you talk

Use the words you'd use in the pub or round the kitchen table. Keep your sentences short, because they are easier to say when you're nervous and easier for a room to follow. Read each part aloud as you write it. If a sentence trips you up, change it.

Get the thank-yous right

Thank-yous can easily take over a speech. Agree with the other speakers who is thanking whom, so the couple's parents don't get thanked four times and the bridesmaids don't get missed. As a rough guide, the father of the bride welcomes the guests and the other family, and the couple thank the parents, the wedding party and anyone who helped. The best man or maid of honour usually thanks the couple for the toast to the bridesmaids.

An example: a short joint speech

Craig and Anil got married at a hotel on the Quayside in Newcastle. Neither of them wanted to give a long speech, so they did one together, taking turns. It runs to about two minutes.

Delivering your speech and handling nerves

Almost everyone is nervous before a wedding speech, including people who speak in public for a living. A few things make a big difference.

• Practise out loud. Read it through several times in the weeks before, and once in front of someone. Time yourself so you know it fits.
• Print it clearly. Use a large font or cue cards. Nobody minds you reading from paper, and it means you won't lose your place.
• Go easy on the drink. A glass for courage is fine. Save the rest until you've sat down.
• Slow down. Nerves make people rush. Pause after anything funny so the room has time to laugh.
• Keep water nearby. If your voice wobbles during the emotional part, stop and take a sip. Guests will understand.

Working with a toastmaster or MC

A toastmaster is a professional who runs the formal parts of the day. They announce the couple into the wedding breakfast, call for quiet before each speech and introduce each speaker, often with the traditional "Ladies and gentlemen, pray silence for the father of the bride." At the end of each speech they may ask guests to be upstanding for the toast.

Some couples ask a friend or relative to act as MC instead, and many venues have a wedding coordinator who will help. Either way, give them a list of speakers in order, with how to pronounce each name, a rough length for each speech and what each person will toast. Tell them about anything unusual, such as a joint speech or a reading from a friend, so the introductions make sense.

Guides for every wedding speech