More couples now say a few words of their own at the ceremony, on top of the legal wording. It's a short part of the day, but it's often the moment guests remember, because it's the one time you speak to each other in your own words while everyone listens. Anyone can do it well with a few honest memories and some promises they mean.
This page covers the basics. If you want to see more finished vows, read the wedding vow examples. If you're ready to start, the guide to how to write your vows takes you through it step by step.
What personal vows are, and how they sit with the legal words
In England and Wales, every wedding has a legal core. At a civil ceremony, the registrar leads each of you through two short sets of set words: the declaratory words, where you confirm there is no legal reason you can't marry, and the contracting words, where you take each other in marriage. There is usually a choice of wording, and the registrar will go through it with you. Religious ceremonies have their own legal wording, led by the minister or officiant.
Personal vows are extra. They sit alongside the legal words, usually just before or after them, and they have no legal weight of their own. That gives you a lot of freedom, with one rule to know about. A civil ceremony in England and Wales, whether at a register office or an approved venue such as a hotel, can't include religious content. So vows at a civil wedding should leave out God, prayers and hymn lyrics. At a church wedding, or a celebrant-led ceremony, the rules are different again.
The details vary between services and change from time to time, and Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own rules. Ask your registrar, minister or celebrant early on whether personal vows are allowed, where they go in the ceremony and whether they need to see them in advance. Many registrars ask for a copy a few weeks before.
Traditional vows and personal vows
Traditional vows are the set words that couples have said for generations. In the Church of England, the words many people know include this part:
to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part
People like traditional vows because they are familiar and because nobody has to write anything. Personal vows are written by the two of you, so they can mention how you met, the things you love about each other and the promises that matter in your life together. Plenty of couples do both. At a church wedding you say the traditional vows with the minister, and some ministers are happy for you to add a few personal words as well. At a civil ceremony you say the legal words with the registrar and then read your own vows.
How long your vows should be
Aim for one to two minutes each. At a normal pace most people say about 130 words a minute, so that's between about 130 and 260 words. Vows are said standing up, often with a lump in your throat, and a minute feels longer at the front than it does in the audience. Keep them short enough to say slowly and clearly.
Agree a rough length with your partner before either of you starts writing. If one of you speaks for thirty seconds and the other for four minutes, it can feel lopsided, and the shorter one may feel caught out. You don't need to match word for word. Somewhere in the same range is enough.
What to include
Most personal vows follow a simple shape:
- A short memory. How you met, or the moment you knew. One or two sentences is enough.
- What you love about them. Small, specific things work best, such as the way they make tea or how they are with your nan.
- Your promises. Mostly serious, with one or two light ones if that suits you.
- A closing line. Something simple, said straight to your partner.
Speak to your partner as "you" all the way through. Guests are listening in, but the vows are for one person. Leave out thank-yous and jokes aimed at the guests, and don't end with a toast. That all comes later, in the speeches at the wedding breakfast. If you're also giving a speech, see the groom speech guide or the bride speech guide, and the order of wedding speeches explains who speaks when.
An example of personal vows
Esme is a veterinary nurse in Winchester, and she is marrying Rory, who works as a sound engineer. They met at a friend's barbecue. These are her vows, and they take about a minute to say.
Rory, the first time I met you, you were trying to fix Gus's speaker at his barbecue with a butter knife. It didn't work, but you kept going for an hour, and I stayed to watch.
I love how calm you are when I'm not. I love that you know every song on the radio and sing the wrong words to most of them. I love the way you talk to Biscuit when you think I can't hear.
I promise to look after you when you're ill, even when it's only a cold. I promise to tell you the truth and to listen when you tell me yours. I promise to let you choose the music in the car on long drives.
And I promise to keep choosing you, every day, for the rest of my life.
It works because every line could only be about Rory. The butter knife and the dog called Biscuit are small, real details, and the promises move from serious to light and back to serious at the end.
Reading your vows on the day
Write your vows out on a card or in a small vow booklet. Nobody expects you to learn them, and holding something means you won't lose your place if you get emotional. Use a large font and leave space between the lines. Give a spare copy to your best man, best woman or a bridesmaid in case yours goes missing.
Read them aloud at home several times before the day, and time yourself. You'll spot the sentences that are hard to say. On the day, speak a little slower than feels natural, and look up at your partner between lines. If your voice goes, stop and take a breath. Everyone watching will wait for you.
Help with writing them
Speechmade can write a first draft of your vows with AI, from your answers about how you met, what you love about your partner and the promises you want to make. You can read the opening before you decide, and change any of it afterwards.
More guides to wedding vows
Common questions
Are personal vows legally required in the UK?
No. The legal part of the ceremony is set wording that the registrar, minister or officiant leads you through. Personal vows are an extra that you add if you want to. Ask whoever is marrying you where they fit and how long you have.
Can we write our own vows for a register office wedding?
Usually yes, as long as they contain no religious wording, because civil ceremonies in England and Wales can't include religious content. Most registrars ask to see your vows before the day, so send them a copy in good time.
How long should wedding vows be?
One to two minutes each is plenty. That is roughly 130 to 260 words at a normal speaking pace. Agree a rough length with your partner so one set of vows is not much longer than the other.
Should we tell each other what our vows say?
It's up to you. Some couples hear them for the first time at the ceremony. Others share them beforehand so neither gets a shock. A good middle ground is to agree the length and the tone, then keep the words a surprise.
Do I have to learn my vows by heart?
No. Most people read them from a card or a small booklet. It means you can look at your partner between lines without worrying about forgetting a word.