A mother of the groom speech is still fairly unusual at a UK wedding, which means there are very few rules. If the couple have asked you to speak, they want to hear what you think of your son and of the person he is marrying. That is really all the speech needs to do.
Most mothers of the groom keep it short and warm. The father of the bride has usually done the formal welcome, and the best man will do the teasing, so you can concentrate on your son and his new partner.
When you speak
Speeches usually take place at the wedding breakfast, before or after the meal. There is no set slot for the mother of the groom. The most common places are straight after the father of the bride, which lets both families have their say early on, or after the groom and before the best man.
If the groom's dad is speaking too, you could give one joint speech, taking turns. Otherwise, agree between you who will thank the hosts so it only happens once. The wedding speech order guide sets out the usual line-up and the alternatives.
What to include
- Who you are, for the guests from the other family
- Thanks to whoever hosted or paid for the day, which may be the couple themselves
- A welcome to your son's partner's family, by name
- A gentle mention of anyone who has died or can't be there, if the couple would like it
- One or two stories about your son growing up
- What you love about his partner, and a clear welcome into your family
- A toast to the couple
Writing it
Choose one or two memories of your son that say something about the man he is now. Mums tend to have stories nobody else in the room has heard, which is exactly what makes them good. A story from when he was small, followed by one from when he was grown up, often works well.
Give his partner real space in the speech. Say when you first met them and something you noticed, and then tell them in so many words that they are part of your family. For a lot of partners this is the bit of the day they remember.
Write the way you talk, and read it aloud a few times to check the timing. You can hold your notes on the day. For more on timings, see how long wedding speeches should be.
A note on tone
Try to avoid jokes about losing your son or gaining a daughter-in-law you'll have to keep an eye on. They are meant kindly, but they can land badly with the other family. It's kinder to keep the whole speech warm and welcoming.
A mother of the groom speech example
Anne-Marie lives in Cardiff. Her son Rhys is a head chef, and he is marrying Kieran, a nurse. Rhys and Kieran paid for and organised the wedding themselves. Rhys's dad, Gwyn, didn't want to speak, so Anne-Marie said a few words for both of them. She wanted to remember her mum, who taught Rhys to cook.
Hello, everyone. I'm Anne-Marie, Rhys's mum. Rhys asked me months ago if I'd like to say a few words, and I said yes before I'd thought about it, so here we are.
I'd like to start by welcoming Kieran's mum and dad, Jan and Phil, and all of Kieran's family. Some of you have travelled a long way to be here in Cardiff, and it means a lot to us. Thank you as well to Rhys and Kieran, who have organised every bit of today themselves, down to the name cards.
Rhys has always loved food. When he was eight he made me breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. It was beans on toast with a jug of custard on the side, because he'd read that you should always serve a sauce. I ate every bit of it. He's a head chef now, and I'm pleased to say his sauces have come on a lot.
As a teenager he was quieter. He'd spend hours in his bedroom with his headphones on, then come down at ten o'clock at night and make everyone cheese on toast whether we wanted it or not. That's still how he looks after people, by feeding them.
He learned most of what he knows from his nan in Barry. Every Saturday she'd stand him on a chair in her kitchen and teach him to make Welsh cakes on her old bakestone. She used to say he had cold hands, which is good for pastry. Mam died four years ago, and I know she would have loved to see him today. There are Welsh cakes on every table tonight, made by Rhys from her recipe.
Kieran, the first time Rhys brought you home, you'd come straight from a night shift at the hospital and you fell asleep on our settee during the rugby. Wales were winning, so that tells you how tired you were. Rhys put a blanket over you and turned the telly down, which I'd never seen him do for anybody. That's when I knew you were important to him.
You've been part of our family for a while now. You're kind and calm, and you bring out the best in Rhys. Gwyn and I couldn't be happier that today makes it official.
So would you all please stand and raise your glasses. To Rhys and Kieran.
Why it works: Anne-Marie thanks the couple as hosts, because they paid for the day. Both stories about Rhys lead into the food on the tables, which links the memory of his nan to the day itself. The part about Kieran is a small, true moment that tells the room how much the two of them care about each other.
The toast
End by inviting everyone to stand and toast the couple by name. If the father of the bride has already done this, you could toast both families, or absent friends. Wedding toasts has more ways to word it.
If the groom's dad is speaking too, read the father of the groom speech guide together so you don't overlap. Your son's own speech is covered in the groom speech guide.
Related guides
Common questions
Does the mother of the groom give a speech?
Traditionally she doesn't, but it's becoming more common. Couples increasingly ask both sides of the family to say a few words. It's entirely optional, so if you would rather not speak, that's fine too.
When should the mother of the groom speak?
Usually after the father of the bride, or after the groom and before the best man. If both of the groom's parents are speaking, they sometimes share one short speech. Ask the couple where they would like you in the running order.
How long should the speech be?
Keep it to two to four minutes, which is about 260 to 520 words. Guests will have several speeches to listen to, and a short one from you will be very welcome.
What should the mother of the groom avoid saying?
Avoid anything that sounds like you are losing your son, even as a joke. Leave out his exes and anything about the cost of the day, and keep to stories he would be happy for his new in-laws to hear.