Being asked to be best man is a compliment. It means the groom trusts you with his rings on the day, and with a microphone in front of his new in-laws at the end of the meal. The speech is the part most best men worry about, and it's the part guests remember. The good news is that the room wants you to do well. Everyone there likes the groom, and they will laugh at a decent story told warmly.
This page covers the whole thing. The other guides in this section go into more detail, and there are four full best man speeches you can read to get a feel for the tone.
Your role on the day
The speech is only one part of the job. On the wedding day the best man usually helps the groom get ready and gets him to the venue on time. He looks after the rings until they are needed in the ceremony, and he may be a witness when the register is signed. Later he keeps an eye on the ushers, helps the toastmaster or venue coordinator keep things moving and makes sure any suppliers who need paying on the day have been sorted by whoever is doing it.
Before the day, you'll probably organise the stag do. That's worth remembering when you start writing, because the stag is a good source of stories. It's also where most of the stories that should stay out of the speech come from.
When the best man speaks
At a traditional UK wedding the speeches take place at the wedding breakfast. The usual order is the father of the bride, then the groom, then the best man, so you close the speeches and hand the room back to the party. More couples now have the speeches before the meal, so the speakers can relax and eat. Some weddings add a speech from the bride, the maid of honour or a parent, and a wedding with two grooms or two brides will often set its own order. The order of wedding speeches goes through the common variations.
If there is a toastmaster, they will introduce you. Otherwise the groom will usually hand over to you at the end of his speech. Find out which it will be, so you know when to stand up.
The running order of a best man speech
Most best man speeches follow a pattern that guests will recognise:
- Thanks on behalf of the bridesmaids. The groom traditionally ends his speech with a toast to the bridesmaids. If he does, start by thanking him on their behalf and saying a kind word about them. If he hasn't, skip this.
- Introduce yourself. Half the room won't know you. Say who you are and how you know the groom.
- Stories about the groom. Two or three stories that show what he is like. This is the main part of the speech and where the laughs come from.
- Kind words about the couple. Talk about his partner and what they are like together. This is where you get sincere for a minute.
- The toast. Ask everyone to stand and raise a glass to the newlyweds.
Some best men also read out a card or message from someone who couldn't come. Keep it to one or two, and read them early so they don't slow down the ending. Best man speech structure and how to write it takes each section in turn, and the best man speech template gives you the same structure with gaps to fill in.
How long to speak for
Aim for about five to seven minutes. That is roughly 650 to 900 words at a steady pace, with a bit of time for laughs. By the time you stand up, people have sat through two or three speeches already, and some of them will have had a drink. Guests start to drift after about eight minutes, however good the stories are. How long should a best man speech be? has a table of timings and word counts, and advice on cutting.
Finding the stories
Start with notes. Write down everything you can remember about the groom, from how you met to the most recent thing he did that made you laugh. Then ask other people. His mum, his brothers and sisters, his old flatmates and his workmates all know a version of him that you don't. A quick message asking "what's the one story you'd tell about him?" will get you plenty to work with.
Choose stories that show something true about him. If he's the friend who is always late, find the best example of him being late. If he's the one who looks after everyone, find the story that shows it. A story works best when it happened somewhere specific and has a detail people can picture. There are more ideas on the best man speech ideas, opening lines and jokes page.
What to avoid
The best man speech has a reputation for going wrong, and it's nearly always for the same reasons. Leave out:
- Exes, or any story that involves one
- Anything from the stag do that his partner or his gran shouldn't hear
- Stories about drinking too much, or being sick
- Jokes about his partner, their family or the idea of marriage as a trap
- In-jokes that only the lads from five-a-side will understand
- Swearing, unless you know for certain the couple are happy with it
- Anything you've found online and are passing off as your own
A simple test is to ask whether you would tell the story with his gran sitting next to you, because at the wedding she probably will be.
Tease him kindly
The groom expects to be teased, and guests enjoy it. Keep the jokes about harmless things like his dress sense, his cooking, his football team or his sense of direction. If the joke would only be funny because he looks bad, leave it out.
The kind part
After the stories, say something sincere. Talk about his partner by name. Say when you first met them, what you noticed about the groom once they were together and what they are like as a couple. You don't need to be poetic. A plain sentence like "I've never seen him as happy as he's been since he met Jess" means a great deal to the people it's about. This is also the part his parents will remember.
Delivering it
Read the speech out loud at home several times. Time it once. Change any sentence you stumble over, because if you trip over it in your kitchen you will trip over it on the day. Try it on one person who knows both families, as they will tell you if a story is going to land badly.
On the day, print the speech in a large font or put it on cue cards. Nobody minds a best man reading, and it stops you losing your place. Go easy on the drink until you've spoken. When you stand up, wait for quiet, then speak more slowly than feels natural. Pause after a joke so people have time to laugh, and look up at the couple now and again.
The toast
Finish by asking the room to stand. Say it clearly so everyone knows when to drink, for example: "So would you all please stand and raise your glasses. To Jess and Adam." If you're toasting two grooms or two brides, use both names. Then sit down, finish your drink and enjoy the rest of the evening.
Best women and two best men
Plenty of grooms now ask a sister or a close female friend to be their best woman, and the speech works in exactly the same way. It's also common to have two best men, often a brother and an old friend. If you're sharing, agree in advance who is telling which stories and who gives the toast. Keep the total to around one speech's length. If you're doing it for your own brother, there's a separate guide on being best man for your brother.
If you're the groom, the groom speech guide covers your part of the day.
More best man guides
Common questions
When does the best man give his speech?
Usually last. At most UK weddings the father of the bride speaks first, then the groom or the couple, then the best man. Some couples change the order or add other speakers, so check with them or the toastmaster a few weeks before.
Who does the best man toast?
The couple. The groom traditionally toasts the bridesmaids, and the best man thanks him on their behalf before toasting the newlyweds at the end of his own speech. If the couple have done things differently, a toast to the couple still works.
Can two people share the best man speech?
Yes, and it's common. Two best men often split the stories between them and take it in turns, with one of them giving the toast. Keep the total to about the length of one speech so the room doesn't tire.
Can a woman be the best man?
Yes. Plenty of grooms ask a sister or a close female friend, who is often called the best woman. The speech is exactly the same, and so is the running order.
Can I use AI to write my best man speech?
Yes. Speechmade writes a first draft with AI from your answers about the groom and his partner. You read the opening before you decide, and you can change any line so it sounds like you.