Best man speech ideas, opening lines and jokes

The funniest best man speeches are built from real stories about the groom. A joke about his terrible parallel parking will get a big laugh, because half the room has sat in the passenger seat. Use the ideas below to find your material. The opening lines and jokes are there to show the kind of thing that works, so swap in your own names and details.

Once you have your stories, best man speech structure and how to write it shows you how to put them in order.

Ideas for stories

Work through these prompts and write down anything that comes to mind. You'll only use two or three.

• The first time you met him, and what he was wearing, saying or doing
• A habit everyone who knows him would recognise
• His one signature dish, or his worst attempt at cooking
• A holiday or trip that went wrong in a harmless way
• His football team, and how he takes a defeat
• His first car, or his driving
• A hobby he took up with great enthusiasm and gave up quickly
• A DIY job, a flat-pack disaster or a garden project
• A time he did something kind that he'd never mention himself
• What his mum or dad remembers about him as a child
• What changed in him when he met his partner
• The day he told you he was going to propose

Ask his family and friends the same questions. The best man speech examples show how stories like these sound once they're written up.

Opening lines

Your first line should get a smile and tell people who you are. These are written for a made-up groom called Luke who is marrying Rachel. Change them to fit your own day.

• Good evening, everyone. For those who don't know me, I'm Chris, and I've known Luke since we were five. I've been looking forward to this for about twenty-six years, and Luke has been dreading it for about the same.
• Luke sent me a list of stories I wasn't allowed to tell. He sent it as a spreadsheet, with colour coding, which tells you most of what you need to know about him.
• When Luke asked me to be his best man, he took me for a curry in Headingley and waited until I had a mouthful of naan. I'm fairly sure that was so I couldn't say no.
• I'm not a natural public speaker, so I asked Luke for some advice. He told me to speak from the heart. I've written it all down on these cards instead, where it's much safer.
• Thank you, Luke, for your kind words about the bridesmaids. They've asked me to say thank you, and also that next time they'd like a hair appointment after seven in the morning.
• It's a bit daunting speaking after Rachel's dad. He had you all laughing and crying in five minutes. I've had six months to prepare, and I'm still not sure I can manage either.
• Luke and I met on our first day at primary school, when he told me my jumper was on inside out. He was right, and he's been telling me when I've got things wrong ever since.
• For those of you on Rachel's side who don't know Luke very well, I'm here to fill you in. For those on Luke's side, I'm sorry, you've heard most of this before.
• Good afternoon, everyone. If you can't hear me at the back, please don't wave. I'll only think you're being friendly and carry on.
• Rachel, you look wonderful. Luke, you look like a man who has been told where to stand four times today, and it's still only half past three.
• I've been told the bar opens as soon as the speeches finish, so I'll try to keep this short. If I start to drift, Luke's nan has kindly agreed to cough.
• Luke has been my flatmate for six years and, for one very long weekend in the Lakes, my tent partner. Today I'm proud to be his best man.
• I'm Kate, Luke's sister, and yes, I'm the best man. Luke says he chose me because I've known him the longest. Mum says it's because I'm the only one who'd remember the rings.

Jokes and one-liners in context

A joke works best inside a story, where the room already knows what you're talking about. Here are a few examples showing the set-up and the line that gets the laugh.

His football team

Luke has supported Preston North End since he was six. He's been to over three hundred games at Deepdale, and he's cried at about half of them. So when Rachel said yes, I think it was the first time in years he'd been emotional about something going right.

This works because it teases his team and his soft side at the same time, and ends on something warm.

His cooking

When we shared a flat in York, Luke cooked a roast dinner for the whole house. It took him seven hours. We ate at ten o'clock at night, and the Yorkshire puddings were so flat we used them as coasters. We still talk about that dinner, and to be fair to him, the gravy was excellent.

The line about the gravy gives him something back after the joke, which the room will enjoy.

His new hobby

Two years ago Luke decided he was going to get into cycling. He bought the bike and all the Lycra, and he did one ride to Blackpool and back. The bike is now in Rachel's mum's garage, and I'm told it makes a very good washing line.

Nearly everyone knows someone like this, so the laugh comes from recognition.

His planning

Luke proposed on holiday in Cornwall. He'd planned it for months. He'd booked the restaurant and checked the sunset times, and he'd even hidden the ring in a sock. Then he packed the wrong sock. So if you're wondering why he proposed on a car park bench in St Ives, that's why. And Rachel said yes anyway, which is all you need to know about Rachel.

The story is gently at his expense, and the last line turns it into a compliment to his partner. Check a story like this with the couple first, as it's partly their story to tell.

Old jokes to avoid

Some best man jokes have been told at thousands of weddings. Guests will have heard them, and several are unkind to the people the day is meant to celebrate. It's best to leave out:

• The hotel room keys. Asking women in the room to bring up keys to the groom's room. It was tired twenty years ago, and it's embarrassing for his partner.
• "Ball and chain" jokes. Anything that treats marriage as a trap or the end of his fun. His partner is sitting right there.
• Mother-in-law jokes. She's probably on the top table, and she may well have paid for the drinks.
• "He's punching above his weight." It sounds like a compliment to his partner, but it's so common that it lands flat, and some people hear it as a dig at one or both of them.
• "I was asked to keep it clean, so this will be short." Guests know this one, and it hints at stories that make the groom look bad.
• Joke lists of exes, or a "what happens on the stag stays on the stag" wink. Both leave people wondering what you're not saying.
• "I Googled how to write a best man speech." Most rooms have heard this at the last three weddings they went to.

How to test a joke

Before the wedding, read your jokes to someone who knows both families. A sibling of the groom is ideal, or a friend of the couple who has met everyone. Here's what to check:

1. Watch their face as you read. If they wince or go quiet, ask why. There may be something you don't know about.
2. Ask them directly. As well as asking whether it's funny, ask "Would anyone be upset by this?"
3. Check it works for the other side. If the joke only makes sense to people who went to school with the groom, most of the room will miss it.
4. Try it on the gran test. Imagine his gran and his partner's gran sitting at the front. If you'd want to skip the line with them there, cut it.
5. If it needs explaining, drop it. A joke that needs a paragraph of background will slow the whole speech down.

If you're unsure about one story in particular, ask the groom's partner. They'll usually tell you straight away, and they'll appreciate being asked.

For the full shape of the speech, see the best man speech template. For the traditions around the toast at the end, see wedding toasts.