A lot of people find their dad harder to write about than they expected. Many men of his generation didn't say much about their feelings, and you might realise you know more about what he did than what he thought. That's fine. What he did is usually the best material you have.
This page covers what to think about when writing a eulogy for your father, some questions to get you started and a full example. For the general process, see how to write a eulogy.
Write about what he did
If your dad showed his love by fixing your car, driving you to the station at six in the morning or checking your tyres every time you visited, say so. Those things are how many dads spoke, and everyone in the room will recognise them.
The same goes for his work. If he was a joiner, a teacher, a lorry driver or a shopkeeper, tell people what that meant day to day and what he was proud of. If he had a shed, an allotment, a football team or a van full of fishing gear, those belong in the eulogy too.
Questions to help you get started
- Where did he grow up, and what did he tell you about it?
- What was his first job, and what work did he do for most of his life?
- How did he meet your mum or his partner?
- What did he fix, build or make?
- What were his sayings? What did he always say when you left?
- What did he love on a Saturday afternoon?
- What advice did he give you, even if it was only once?
- What was he like as a grandad?
His friends, workmates and brothers or sisters will have stories you've never heard. Ask them. Many families find that the eulogy is the first time they learn about something he did quietly for years.
Things to think about
Your mum or his partner. If she is at the funeral, talk to her before you write, and include something about their life together that she will be happy to hear.
A complicated relationship. Not everyone was close to their dad. You don't need to pretend. You can speak about the parts of his life that others valued, or keep the eulogy short and factual. You can also ask the celebrant to give it.
Humour. If he liked a laugh, a funny story will help people remember him as he was. Keep it to things he would have laughed at himself.
Example eulogy for a dad
This example is read by his son. It is about four minutes long and mixes some lighter stories with more serious moments.
Thank you all for coming. I'm Liam, Tony's son. Mum, Siobhan and I are so grateful to see so many of you here, and Dad would have been quietly chuffed, although he'd never have said so.
Anthony Walsh was born in Sparkhill in Birmingham in 1947. His mum and dad had come over from County Mayo two years earlier, and he grew up in a two-up two-down with his three sisters, who all tell me he was spoiled rotten. He left school at fifteen and got an apprenticeship as an electrician, and he spent the next forty-five years rewiring half of south Birmingham. He started his own firm, Walsh Electrical, in 1979, with one van and a phone in the hall that Mum answered.
He met Mum, Maureen, at the Irish Centre in Digbeth on St Patrick's night in 1970. He said he knew straight away, and he proposed six weeks later. Mum said she needed to think about it and then said yes the next morning. They were married for fifty-three years.
Dad was not a big talker. If you rang the house, you'd get about thirty seconds of him before he said, "I'll pass you to your mother." But you always knew where you stood, because he showed you. When I bought my first house, a wreck in Kings Heath, he turned up every Saturday for four months with his toolbox and a flask and rewired the whole place without being asked. He wouldn't take a penny. When I tried to thank him, he said, "Just don't let anyone else touch it."
He could fix almost anything, but he never learned to cook. In fifty-three years of marriage, I believe he cooked twice, and one of those times the fire brigade came.
He loved Aston Villa, even in the years they gave him very little to cheer about. He had a season ticket in the Holte End for thirty years, and in 1982, when they won the European Cup, he took the next day off work for the only time any of us can remember. He also loved fishing, mainly because it was the one place nobody could ring him.
When Siobhan's two and my three came along, we saw a side of him we hadn't seen before. The man who couldn't sit still for five minutes would lie on the living room floor for an hour building Lego. He taught every one of them to wire a plug by the time they were ten, which I'm fairly sure isn't allowed.
I want to thank the staff at Heartlands Hospital, and especially the nurses on the cardiac ward, who were so kind to Dad and to Mum. Dad told one of them she was the best electrician he'd met in years, which from him was the highest compliment going.
Every time I left the house, he'd walk me to the car, check the tyres with his foot and say, "Mind how you go, son." So, Dad, thank you for everything. Mind how you go.
Why it works: it shows a quiet man through the things he did, like the rewiring and the tyres, and lets small bits of humour sit next to the more serious parts. The ending turns one of his own habits into the goodbye, so it sounds like him.
Ways to end a eulogy for your dad
- "Thanks, Dad. We'll look after Mum, and we'll try to keep the shed tidy."
- "He always said the kettle should go on before anyone takes their coat off. So when you get to the Crown later, have a cup of tea for Dad before you have anything stronger."
- "Goodbye, Dad. I hope they've got a decent telly wherever you are, because the season's only just started."
There is a companion guide for a eulogy for your mum, more eulogy examples, and a template if you want the structure laid out for you.
Common questions
How do I start a eulogy for my dad?
Thank people for coming and say who you are, for example "I'm Liam, Tony's son." Then either begin his life story from where he was born, or start with a short memory that shows what he was like, and go back to the life story after it.
My dad was a private person. What can I say about him?
Talk about what he did rather than what he said, such as the jobs he did around the house, how he looked after people, the routines he kept and the things he made. Those details often say more about a quiet man than any description could.
Should I mention my mum in a eulogy for my dad?
Usually yes, especially if she is at the funeral. Say something about their marriage that she will be glad to hear, and check it with her first. If your parents were separated, speak to both sides of the family about what feels right.
Is it all right to tell funny stories about my dad at his funeral?
If he was the sort of man who liked a laugh, yes. Stories about his habits, his DIY or his terrible jokes can bring real warmth to the service. Keep them affectionate, and follow them with something sincere.