Many funerals now have more than one speaker. A son might give the main eulogy, a granddaughter might read a poem, and a friend from the bowls club might say a few words on behalf of the members. At the wake, someone from the family often thanks everyone for coming.
Each of these is a funeral speech, and each one is a little different. If you've been asked to give the main account of someone's life, read our guide to writing a eulogy. For everything else, this page should help.
The different kinds of funeral speech
| Speech | Usual length | What it does |
|---|---|---|
| Eulogy | 4 to 10 minutes | Tells the story of the person's life and what they were like |
| Short tribute | 2 to 3 minutes | One person's memories, alongside a main eulogy |
| Reading or poem | 1 to 3 minutes | A chosen piece, sometimes with a line of introduction |
| Words from a workplace or club | 2 to 4 minutes | The side of the person that the family may not have seen |
| Words at the wake | 1 to 2 minutes | Thanks from the family, and an invitation to share memories |
Writing a short tribute
A short tribute works best when it focuses on one thing. You might choose the way they made you feel welcome, a habit everyone knew, or a single story from your friendship. Trying to fit a whole life into two minutes only makes it feel rushed, and the main eulogy will usually cover the life story anyway.
A simple shape for a short tribute:
- Say who you are and how you knew them
- Tell one story, with as much detail as you can remember
- Say what that story shows about them
- Say goodbye or thank you
Check with whoever is giving the main eulogy so you don't both tell the same story.
Example: a tribute from a colleague
Good afternoon. My name is Aisha, and I worked with Pete at the Royal Mail sorting office in Crewe for nineteen years. Linda asked if someone from work would say a few words, and there were about forty volunteers, so I hope I do them justice.
On my first night shift in 2005, I was nineteen and terrified. Pete was the first person to speak to me. He showed me where the kettle was, told me which machines jammed and which supervisors to avoid, and then said, "If anyone gives you grief, you send them to me." Nobody ever did give me grief, and I found out years later it was because Pete had quietly had a word with most of the shift.
He did that for everyone who started. He covered shifts when people's kids were ill. He also brought in a tin of his wife's flapjack every Friday for nearly twenty years. Linda, we are going to miss the flapjack almost as much as him, and he'd be pleased to hear it.
Pete, thank you for looking after all of us. The night shift won't be the same.
Speaking for a workplace, club or group
When you speak on behalf of a group, you're showing the family a part of the person's life they might only have heard about. Mention the name of the club or workplace, how long they were part of it, and what they did there, but keep the focus on the person rather than the organisation. One story that the family haven't heard before is often the most valuable thing you can offer.
Before you write, ask a few other members for their memories, and mention at the start that you're speaking for everyone.
Reading a poem or passage
If you've been asked to read, you don't need to write anything, but a short introduction helps people know why the piece matters. For example: "Mum read this poem at Grandma's funeral, and she asked for it to be read at hers." Then read slowly, pausing at the ends of lines, and take a breath before the last verse.
Some readings often chosen at UK funerals include Christina Rossetti's Remember, Henry Scott Holland's Death is nothing at all, and Psalm 23 for religious services. Check with the family and celebrant before choosing, as they may already have readings planned.
A few words at the wake
After the service, it's common for someone in the family to say a few words once everyone has a drink. It doesn't need to be written out in full. Here is an example.
Can I have everyone's attention for a minute? On behalf of Mum and all of us, thank you so much for coming today. Dad would have loved seeing everyone in one room, although he'd have complained about the price of the drinks.
I want to say a special thank you to the district nurses, and to Janet and Mick next door, who have been so kind to Mum. There's plenty of food, so please help yourselves, and if you have a story about Dad, we'd love to hear it. Please raise your glasses. To Dad.
Tips for any funeral speech
- Write it down in full, even if it's short. It's hard to think clearly on the day.
- Print it in a large font, and hold it in a folder or on card so your hands shaking doesn't show as much.
- Practise it out loud at home. The emotional lines get easier each time.
- Speak slowly, and pause if you need to. Nobody minds waiting.
- Ask someone to be ready to take over, just in case.
If you need help with a longer piece, see how to write a eulogy or read some full eulogy examples.
Common questions
What do you say in a short speech at a funeral?
Say who you are and how you knew them, share one memory or quality that sums them up, and finish with a goodbye or a thank you. Two or three minutes is plenty for a short tribute.
Do I need to give a speech at the wake?
No, but a few words from a close family member are common. They're usually a short thank you to everyone for coming, to anyone who helped, and to the people who cared for the person. A minute is enough.
Can a celebration of life speech be more light-hearted?
Yes. Families who choose a celebration of life often want the speeches to have more laughter in them. It still helps to include a moment where you say what the person meant to you, so the speech doesn't feel like a stand-up set.
Is it all right to read a poem instead of giving a speech?
Yes. Reading a poem or passage is a good way to take part if you don't want to speak in your own words. Say a sentence first about why it was chosen, for example that it was Dad's favourite or that it reminds you of her garden.