Writing a eulogy for your mum can feel impossible, because there is so much to say and it all feels too close. Most people find it helps to stop trying to sum her up and instead to think about ordinary days: what she was like on a Sunday, what she said when you rang, the things she did for other people without being asked.
This page covers what to think about, some starting prompts and a full example. For the general process, see how to write a eulogy.
Remember she had a life before you
Most of us know our mums mainly as mums. The eulogy is a chance to remind everyone of the rest of her: the girl who grew up in a particular town, the friendships she had, the job she did, what she was like before she had children and after they left home. Older relatives and her friends can fill in the parts you don't know.
It is also worth thinking about the things she did that nobody noticed. Many mums spent years keeping everyone fed, remembering every birthday and looking after their own parents. Naming some of that work is a way of thanking her for it.
Questions to help you get started
- Where did she grow up, and what stories did she tell about it?
- What work did she do, paid or unpaid?
- How did she meet your dad or her partner?
- What was she like as a mum when you were small, and when you were a teenager?
- What did she always cook? What did she always say?
- Who were her friends, and what did they do together?
- What was she like as a grandmother?
- What did she teach you, even without meaning to?
Things to think about
Your dad or her partner. If your dad or her partner is still alive, talk to him before you write. He may want particular things said, and he will be sitting in the front row. Speak about their marriage in a way he will be comfortable hearing.
Brothers and sisters. If you are one of several children, share a draft with them. They may remember things differently, and it's better to find out before the day.
Her last months. If she was ill for some time, you might want to thank the people who cared for her. You don't need to describe the illness itself.
Example eulogy for a mum
This example is read by an eldest daughter. It runs to about four minutes and has a little gentle humour, because the family felt that suited her.
Thank you all for being here. I'm Sian, Jean's eldest daughter, and on behalf of Dad, my sister Beth and all the family, thank you for coming to say goodbye to Mum.
Mum was born in Merthyr Tydfil in 1951, the only girl in a family of four. Her dad worked at the Hoover factory and her mum took in sewing, and Mum grew up in a house full of noise and the smell of Welsh cakes on the bakestone. She always said growing up with three brothers taught her how to win an argument, and I can confirm that it did.
She trained as a nurse in Cardiff and worked for thirty-five years, most of that on the children's ward at Prince Charles Hospital. I've lost count of the number of people who have stopped me in town over the years to say that Mum looked after them, or their child, and that they never forgot how kind she was. When she retired, the ward gave her a card signed by more than two hundred people. It is still on the mantelpiece.
She met Dad at a dance in Aberdare in 1972. He tells it as love at first sight. She told it as "he was the only one who could dance", which may be closer to the truth. They were married the following year, and Dad, I know you won't mind me saying that she ran that house, and all of us, beautifully.
As a mum, she was fiercely on our side. When Beth was bullied at school, Mum walked into the headteacher's office in her uniform, straight off a night shift, and by the next morning it had stopped. She never told us what she said. She also never let us get away with anything. She could hear a biscuit tin open from two floors away, and she could tell from the way you shut the front door what sort of day you'd had.
Mum sang with a ladies' choir in Merthyr for over twenty years and loved it more than almost anything. She loved the rugby, and she shouted at the television during the Six Nations in language she would never have allowed from us. She loved Tenby, where we went every summer, and she loved her garden, although she mainly loved telling Dad what to do in it.
Most of all she loved her grandchildren. Ffion, Osian and little Cai, you were the light of her life. She kept a drawer full of your drawings, and she knew every one of your teachers' names. I hope you'll remember her singing to you in the kitchen, because she did it every time you came round.
I want to thank the district nurses and the team at the Macmillan unit, who cared for Mum at the end with the same kindness she spent her life giving to other people. She would have been the first to thank them herself.
The thing I'll miss most is her voice on the phone every Sunday at six, asking what I'd had for tea and whether I was wearing a vest. I'm forty-eight, Mum, and I wasn't. But I will be this winter.
Nos da, Mam. Thank you for everything. We love you, and we'll miss you always.
Why it works: it gives a clear, brief picture of her life and then spends most of its time on small, specific memories. It includes her husband gently, speaks directly to the grandchildren, and finishes with a tiny everyday detail that turns into a goodbye.
Ways to end a eulogy for your mum
- "Thank you for everything, Mum. We love you, and we'll look after Dad for you."
- "She always said 'ring me when you get home.' So Mum, we're all home. Goodnight."
- "I'll finish with something she said to us more times than we can count: be kind to each other. We'll try, Mum."
There are more examples on the eulogy examples page, and a companion guide for a eulogy for your dad.
Common questions
How do I start a eulogy for my mum?
Thank everyone for coming and say who you are, for example "I'm Sian, Jean's eldest daughter." You can then begin with where she was born and grew up, or with a small memory that sums her up, such as the smell of her kitchen or the way she answered the phone.
What if my brothers and sisters and I want to speak together?
That works well. Agree beforehand who will cover which part of her life, or take turns telling stories. Keep the total time within what the celebrant has allowed, and have one person start and finish so it feels joined up.
What if my relationship with my mum was difficult?
You don't need to pretend. Focus on what you can say honestly, such as the parts of her life others valued, her friendships or her work. It's also fine to decline to give the eulogy and let someone else or the celebrant speak.
How do I get through a eulogy for my mum without crying?
You might not, and that's all right. Practising out loud several times helps the hardest lines lose some of their power. On the day, pause and breathe when you need to, and have someone ready who can finish reading it for you.