A lot of fathers of the bride have never spoken in public before, and plenty of them lose sleep over it for months. If that's you, it might help to know that the room is entirely on your side. Nobody at a wedding wants the father of the bride to do badly. If your hands shake or your voice wobbles, people see a dad who loves his daughter, and they like you more for it.
What helps most is a short speech that you've read aloud enough times to feel familiar, printed in a way that's easy to follow. The rest of this page covers how to get there.
Keep it short
Three minutes is plenty. That's around 400 words, which fits on one side of A4. A speech that length can still welcome everyone, say something real about your daughter and raise the toast. If you'd feel better with two minutes, that works too. There are two short examples on the short and simple speeches page.
Tell the couple you're planning a short speech. They'll be glad to know, and it takes the pressure off you to fill time.
Write it in your own words
Nervous speakers often write in a formal way because they think that's what a speech should sound like. It makes the speech harder to say. Write the way you'd talk to a friend in the kitchen. Use short sentences, because they're easier to say when your mouth is dry. If a sentence makes you stumble when you practise, change it.
You don't need jokes. If a light moment comes naturally, keep it, but a quiet, sincere speech from a quiet man is often the one people talk about afterwards.
Read it from paper
Don't try to learn it by heart. Print it out in a large font, around 16 to 18 point, with a gap between each paragraph. Number the pages. Some people prefer cue cards, but a full script is safer if you're nervous, because you don't have to remember anything.
- Put a line break wherever you want to pause or look up.
- Mark the names you must not forget in bold.
- Write the toast on its own at the bottom of the last page, so you can find it easily.
- Keep a spare copy with someone at the top table.
Practise out loud
Reading it in your head doesn't count. Say it out loud, standing up, at least five or six times in the weeks before the wedding. The first few times will feel awkward. By the fourth or fifth, the words will start to feel like yours, and you'll know which parts are coming next.
Once you're comfortable, read it to one person you trust. After that, try it somewhere with a bit of space, such as the garden or an empty room, and speak loudly enough for someone at the back to hear. If the venue will let you have a look at the room beforehand, go and stand where you'll be speaking.
Breathing and pacing
Nerves make you breathe high in your chest and speak quickly. Before you stand up, breathe out slowly through your mouth, as if you're blowing on a hot drink, then breathe in through your nose. Do that three or four times. It slows your heart rate and steadies your voice.
When you stand, wait until the room is quiet. Look at your daughter, then look at the page and start. Speak more slowly than feels right, because it will sound normal to everyone else. Pause at the end of each paragraph and take a breath. If people laugh, wait for them to finish before you go on.
If there's a microphone, hold it just below your chin and keep it there. Ask the toastmaster or the venue to show you how it works before the meal.
If something goes wrong
You lose your place
Stop, look down, find the paragraph and carry on. It takes a few seconds and nobody minds. Keeping your thumb on the side of the page as you go makes it easier to find your place again.
Your voice goes or you get emotional
Pause, have a sip of water and take a breath. Guests will wait. Most of them will be a bit emotional too. If you think you might struggle with a particular line, practise it more than the rest.
You say the wrong name or trip over a word
Correct it with a smile and carry on. "Sorry, I mean Linda." The room will laugh with you, and it often breaks the tension.
The microphone stops working
Put it down and speak up. Most wedding rooms are small enough to be heard without one if you speak slowly and project to the back.
A short speech for a quiet man
Geoff farms sheep near Hereford. He doesn't like speaking and said so to his daughter Rosie, a primary school teacher, who is marrying Tom. This speech is about 220 words and takes around two minutes.
Good afternoon. I'm Geoff, Rosie's dad. Anyone who knows me will know I don't say much, so I'll keep this short.
Thank you all for coming today. Linda and Graham, thank you for everything you've done to help, and welcome to all of Tom's family.
Rosie was born in the middle of lambing, and her mum still reminds me that I spent half that first night out in the shed. I've been trying to make up for it ever since. She grew up on the farm and came out with me most mornings before school, in her little green wellies, counting the ewes. She used to get the numbers wrong on purpose to see if I was listening.
She teaches at a primary school in Leominster now, and I'm told the children think the world of her. That doesn't surprise me at all.
Tom, you've been a great help to us these last few years, at harvest and the rest of the time too. You're good to Rosie, and that matters more to me than anything. Welcome to the family.
Rosie, I don't say it very often, so I'll say it now. I'm very proud of you, and I love you.
Would you all please stand and raise your glasses. To Rosie and Tom.
It works because it sounds exactly like Geoff. It has one story, one line of thanks and one line to Tom, and it ends with the thing he finds hardest to say, which is the part people will remember.
Other ways to make it easier
If a whole speech feels like too much, talk to your daughter about sharing it. You could give the welcome and the toast while her mum says a few words in the middle, or the bride could speak after you and cover the thanks. The what to include page lists everything the speech normally covers, so you can decide together who does what.
If getting started is the hardest part, Speechmade can write a first draft with AI from your answers about your daughter and her partner. You can ask for a short, plain speech and change any of it so it sounds like you.
Common questions
Do I have to give a speech if I hate public speaking?
No. Talk to your daughter early on. Some dads give a very short speech, some share it with the bride's mum, and some hand the welcome and toast to the bride or another relative. Most daughters would much rather you were comfortable on the day.
Is it all right to read my speech from paper?
Yes, completely. Most fathers of the bride read their speech, and nobody expects you to learn it. Print it in a large font, hold it at chest height and look up at the end of each paragraph.
Should I have a drink to calm my nerves?
One drink is fine if it helps. More than that tends to make you speak faster and lose your place. Keep a glass of water next to you, and save the celebrating for after you've sat down.
Can I ask for the speeches to be before the meal?
Yes, and many nervous speakers do. It means you can get it over with and enjoy your dinner. Ask the couple, who will arrange it with the venue or the toastmaster.