How long should a father of the bride speech be?

The short answer is five to seven minutes. It gives you time to welcome everyone, thank the right people, tell a couple of stories about your daughter and raise the toast. Guests will happily listen for that long. After about eight minutes, attention starts to drift, especially if the speeches come before the meal and people are hungry.

If you'd rather speak for less, that's fine too. A three-minute speech that is specific and warm will go down well. There are examples on the short and simple speeches page.

Timings, word counts and pages

Most people speak at about 130 words a minute when they are giving a speech, which is slower than normal conversation. The page counts below are for typed A4 in a 12 point font. If you print your speech in a larger font to read from, which is a good idea, it will run to more pages.

Allow a little extra for laughter and pauses. A speech that takes five minutes at the kitchen table will usually take five and a half or six on the day.

When the father of the bride speaks

The father of the bride traditionally gives the first speech. At most UK weddings the running order is:

1. Father of the bride, around five to seven minutes, ending with a toast to the couple
2. Groom or the couple, around five to seven minutes, ending with a toast to the bridesmaids or wedding party
3. Best man, around five to ten minutes, ending with a toast to the couple

The speeches used to happen after the wedding breakfast, once the plates had been cleared and the glasses filled for the toast. These days many couples have them before the meal, or split them between courses. If there's a toastmaster, they will usually announce you and ask the room to be upstanding at the end.

If more people are speaking, such as the bride, the maid of honour or the mother of the bride, everyone's speech needs to be a bit shorter. It's worth asking the couple how long they would like each person to speak, so you aren't all going long at once.

How to time your speech

Read it out loud, at the pace you'll use on the day, with a timer running on your phone. Reading it in your head will give you the wrong answer, because silent reading is much faster than speaking. Do this at least twice, and once in front of someone else, because you'll naturally slow down when someone is listening.

Nerves usually make people speed up. If your speech comes in under time at home, that's a good sign, because on the day you'll want to slow down deliberately and leave space after the funny lines.

Tips for cutting it down

Most first drafts come out too long. That's normal. Here is where to look first.

• Too many thank-yous. You don't need to thank the venue and every supplier by name. The couple usually do that. Keep your thanks to the guests, the other family and anyone who paid or helped a lot.
• Her whole life story. A year-by-year run through her childhood takes a long time and loses people. Pick one or two moments that show what she's like.
• Stories that need setting up. If you need to explain who everyone is before a story makes sense, it's probably too long. Save it for the evening.
• Repeated praise. If you've said she's kind in three different ways, keep the best one.
• Quotes and poems. A reading can add a minute without adding much. If you want to use one, keep it to a line or two. Quotes for your speech has advice on this.

Once you've cut it, read it aloud again. You'll often find it flows better, because the stories you kept have more room.

Getting the length right from the start

Speechmade lets you choose how long you want your speech to be before it's written. It writes the draft with AI from your answers about your daughter and her partner, and sizes it to fit the time you've picked. You can then read it aloud, time it and change anything you like.