Grooms often find the structure of their speech easier than the words. The order has been much the same at UK weddings for a long time, and guests expect it. If you follow it, you won't forget anyone important, and the speech will lead naturally into the best man's. This page goes through each part in turn.
For the bigger picture, including when you speak and how to deliver it, see the groom speech guide. If you'd like to start writing straight away, the groom speech template follows this order with gaps to fill in.
The running order at a glance
Here is the order most groom speeches follow, with rough timings for a speech of about six minutes. The timings are only a guide. If your family is large or lots of people helped, the thank-yous will take longer.
| Order | Section | Rough timing |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Opening, and thanks to the previous speaker | 20 to 30 seconds |
| 2 | Thanks to your new in-laws | 30 seconds |
| 3 | Thanks to your own parents | 30 seconds |
| 4 | Anyone who has died or can't be there | 20 to 30 seconds |
| 5 | Thanks to the guests | 20 seconds |
| 6 | Thanks to people who helped with the day | 30 seconds |
| 7 | Thanks to the wedding party | 30 to 45 seconds |
| 8 | Thanks to the best man | 20 seconds |
| 9 | Your new wife or husband | one and a half to two minutes |
| 10 | The toast | 15 to 20 seconds |
Some grooms move the part about their partner to the middle, straight after thanking the families. That's fine. The one fixed point is the toast, which always comes last.
1. The opening and the previous speaker
You don't need a big opening line. Once the room is quiet, thank the person who has just spoken, which is usually the father of the bride. If some guests won't know you, say who you are. Many grooms say "on behalf of my wife and myself" at this point, which usually gets a cheer, as it's often the first time they've said "my wife" in public. For a husband, the same line works just as well.
Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you, Clive, for that lovely speech, and for saying such kind things about me. On behalf of my wife and myself, thank you all for being here.
2. Your new in-laws
Thank your partner's parents for welcoming you into their family, and for anything they have done for the day, such as paying towards it or helping with the planning. Many grooms also thank them for their daughter or son. One friendly detail, like the first time you went round for dinner, makes it feel personal.
Clive and Mandy, thank you for making me so welcome from the start, and for everything you've done to help with today. And thank you for Hollie.
3. Your own parents
Thank your mum and dad, or whoever brought you up, for their support and for anything they've done towards the wedding. If your parents are separated, or there are step-parents, name everyone you'd like to thank. Keep it even-handed so nobody feels left out.
4. People who can't be there
If a grandparent or parent has died, or someone important couldn't travel, mention them briefly here. Two or three sentences are enough. Check with your partner first, and with the family if the loss is recent. Some couples prefer the father of the bride to cover this, so agree between you who will do it.
5. The guests
Thank everyone for coming. Name anyone who has travelled a long way, and anyone who has come despite something difficult, such as a new baby or an illness.
6. People who helped
Weddings take a lot of help. Think about who made the cake, did the flowers, lent a car, built something, sang, read in the ceremony or looked after the children. Thank them by name and say what they did. If the venue staff or the toastmaster have been especially good, you can thank them here too.
7. The wedding party
Thank the bridesmaids for their help, both on the day and in the months before, and say how lovely they look. Then thank the ushers, the page boys and the flower girls. If you're giving the bridesmaids gifts, this is the usual moment, and the best man can help by handing them out.
To our bridesmaids, Abi, Freya and Lou, thank you for looking after Hollie this morning and for all your help over the last year. You all look beautiful. And thank you to our ushers for getting everyone to their seats.
8. The best man
Thank the best man for his support and for everything he's organised, from the stag to the rings. A gentle joke about his speech is traditional, as he's up next. If you have a best woman, or two best men, thank each of them.
And finally, thank you to Jamie for being my best man. He's been a good friend for twenty years, which means he has twenty years of material. I'm hoping he's lost most of it.
9. Your new wife or husband
This is the heart of the speech. You might say how you met and what you love about them. One or two specific stories help guests picture what your partner is like. Finish by speaking to them directly, even if it's only "I love you, and thank you for marrying me." The groom speech examples show four different ways of doing this.
10. The toast
Traditionally the groom ends with a toast to the bridesmaids. Other options are the whole wedding party, both sets of parents, absent friends or your new spouse. Ask everyone to stand, then say the toast clearly so people know when to drink.
So would you all please stand and raise your glasses. To the bridesmaids.
Then sit down and hand over to the best man. The wedding toasts page has wording for each speaker, so you can make sure your toast is different from the others.
If you're giving a joint speech
The same order works for a couple speaking together. Split the thank-yous between you, and keep the part about each other for the end. The wedding speech order guide explains where a joint speech usually goes.
How it fits with the other speeches
Because you speak between the father of the bride and the best man, your speech acts as a bridge. You pick up from the first speaker by thanking him, and you hand over to the best man at the end. Check with both of them roughly what they plan to say so you don't repeat the same stories or thank the same people twice. For timings, how long should a groom speech be? has a table of minutes and word counts.
Common questions
What order should the groom do the thank-yous in?
The usual order is the previous speaker, your new in-laws, your own parents, anyone who paid or helped, the guests, then the wedding party and the best man last. That way the speech moves from family to friends and ends by handing over to the best man.
Should the groom thank the best man before or after the bridesmaids?
Usually after. The bridesmaids are thanked and complimented, and then the best man is thanked last because he speaks next. If you're toasting the bridesmaids, you can come back to them at the very end for the toast.
Where does the part about my wife or husband go?
Most grooms put it after the thank-yous and just before the toast, so it's the last thing guests hear from you. Some prefer to put it in the middle, after thanking the families. Either works as long as the toast comes last.
Who does the groom toast?
Traditionally the bridesmaids. Many grooms now toast the whole wedding party, both families, absent friends or their new spouse. The father of the bride and the best man both toast the couple, so the groom usually toasts someone else.