There's no perfect thing to write. The person receiving the card won't be judging your wording. What matters to them is that you thought of them and took the time to write. A few plain, kind sentences are enough.
Help with the words
Tell us a little about them and we'll suggest three messages, written with AI. It's free, and nothing you type is saved.
What to write
Most sympathy messages have the same simple shape. Say you're sorry. Use the name of the person who died if you know it. If you have a memory of them, or something kind you heard about them, add it. Then let them know you're thinking of them.
If you'd like to offer help, make it something specific, such as dropping round a meal or giving a lift to the funeral. A general "let me know if you need anything" is kind, but people rarely feel able to ask.
When you didn't know the person who died
You're writing to support the person you do know. It's fine to say you never met them.
- I was so sorry to hear about your mum. I never met her, but I know how close you were. Thinking of you and your family.
- Dear Rhian, I'm so sorry for your loss. From everything you've told me about your grandad, he was a very special man. With love.
- I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Please take all the time you need. I'm here if you want to talk, or if you'd rather not.
When you knew them
A small memory is often the part of a card people read again. It doesn't need to be a big story.
- I was so sad to hear about Alan. I'll always remember him at the club on a Saturday, with his flask and his folding chair. He was a kind man. Thinking of you.
- Dear Pat, Frank was one of the nicest people I've ever known. He always had time to chat over the garden wall. With love and sympathy.
- Everyone at choir is thinking of you. We'll miss Joan's laugh and her lovely alto voice. With love from all of us.
- I have so many happy memories of your nan's kitchen in Rhyl. She always made me feel welcome. I'm so sorry.
For a colleague
Keep it short and warm. Let them know they don't need to worry about work.
- We were all so sorry to hear about your dad, Hassan. Please don't give work a thought. We're all thinking of you.
- With deepest sympathy from everyone in the Bangor team. Take all the time you need.
- Dear Nadine, we were all so sorry to hear about your grandma. Please look after yourself, and don't worry about anything here.
- I'm so sorry for your loss, Bernadette. If there's anything I can pick up for you while you're away, just say.
For the loss of a parent
- I'm so sorry about your mum. She was always so proud of you, and it showed every time she talked about you. Sending you love.
- Thinking of you all at this very sad time. Your dad was a lovely man, and I'll remember his big welcome at the door. With love.
- Losing a parent is so hard, whatever age you are. I'm thinking of you and sending all my love.
For the loss of a child
Keep it very simple. Use the child's name if you know it, and don't try to explain or find a bright side.
- We are so very sorry about Lily. We are thinking of you both and holding you close. With all our love.
- We don't know what to say, except that we're so sorry and we're here for you, now and in the months to come.
- We're thinking of you and Sunil every day, and remembering Alfie with so much love.
For the loss of a husband, wife or partner
- I'm so sorry about Steph. You were such a lovely pair, and I know how much you'll miss her. I'll give you a ring next week.
- Dear Iris, thinking of you after losing Len. Sixty years is a long time to share, and I hope all those memories bring some comfort. With love.
- I was so sorry to hear about Jeff. He adored you, and it was lovely to see. Sending you all my love.
What to avoid
Most well-meant phrases are fine. A few can hurt, even though people write them with kindness:
- "Everything happens for a reason" or "They're in a better place". These can feel like they're explaining away a loss that the person is still living through.
- Comparisons. "I know how you feel, I lost my mum last year" moves the attention to you. You can mention your own loss later, when they're ready to talk.
- Anything about how they died. Don't ask, and don't mention an illness or an accident in the card. The family will tell you what they want you to know.
- "At least". Anything starting with "at least", such as "at least they had a long life", can sound as if you're telling them how to feel.
- Humour. Leave jokes out of the card, even gentle ones.
More gentle help
If you're helping with the funeral, our guides to writing a eulogy and funeral readings and poems may be useful, and there's help with order of service wording. For other cards, see the main card messages page.
Common questions
What do you write in a sympathy card?
Say you are sorry, use the name of the person who has died if you know it, and add a memory or a kind word about them if you have one. A few sentences is enough. End with something like "Thinking of you" or "With love".
Is it too late to send a sympathy card?
No. Cards that arrive weeks or months later are often very welcome, because the first flood of support has passed. You can simply say you have been thinking of them.
Should I write the name of the person who died?
Yes, if you know it. Many bereaved people say it helps to see the name written down and to know others remember them too.
How do I sign a sympathy card?
"With love", "Thinking of you" and "With deepest sympathy" all work. Choose whichever feels natural for how well you know them.